I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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