Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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