I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I take back everything I said about communal showers
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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