a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
