Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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