mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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