did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
