So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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