I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
