ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
