when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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