Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
