well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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