You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
