the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
