I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
