Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
