If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Be still, my beating vagina.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
