Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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