Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
