Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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