I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
