real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
