sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
