I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
