He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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