i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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