would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
