So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
