but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
