Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
