First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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