Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
