i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Randomize
