Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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