I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Too much gin, very little bucket
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
