bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Be still, my beating vagina.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
