I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
