whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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