I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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