Banned from zoo.
Again?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
