I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
