U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize