Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
