I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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