She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
