You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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