dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
