so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
