tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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