we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize