And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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