You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
