apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
