just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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