I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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