All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
