oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
