He asked to "fluff my boner.."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Drunk is not a location!
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