Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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