One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
