don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
