respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
