About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
