think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
