omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
