Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
