I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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