Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
