I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm really busy with my period
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