Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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