I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize