alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
