So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
