i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
