Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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