Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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