college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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