I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize