i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
