Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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