Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
