i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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