I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
