We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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