you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
