Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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