If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize