You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
