I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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