Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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