apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize